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The Truth about Masturbation
Written by Jason Evertt   
Saturday, 01 August 2009

Masturbation doesn't get rid of temptations any more than a prostitute does. Both may temporarily relieve sexual desires, but our goal as Christians is not simply to get rid of temptations. Our goal is to glorify God with our bodies. The idea that masturbation can be used to decrease sexual desires is like saying that lighter fluid can be used to extinguish a fire. If anything, masturbation incites lustful thoughts and teaches a person that he or she deserves--and needs--sexual gratification whenever the desire arises.

To understand why masturbation is wrong, we need to step back from the world's constant clamoring for sexual "needs" and go back to God's plan for sex. Sexuality is meant to be a gift between a husband and wife for the purpose of babies and bonding. When it is taken out of that context the gift is degraded--and in the case of masturbation, altogether ceases being a gift. The purpose of sexuality is abandoned, because the center of the sexual act becomes "me" instead of "we" and the person is trained to look to himself for sexual fulfillment. The gift of one's sexuality is misused for the sake of lifeless pleasure. Only selfless giving will fulfill you.

When people misuse their sexuality in this way, they begin to use pleasure to change their mood, release tension, or forget their loneliness. Masturbation becomes an escape. It may pacify them, but it will never satisfy them, because they'll always want more. They use the fantasies of their mind and the pleasures of their body to flee from reality and the call to love. Their goal in sexual activity has been reduced to merely receiving pleasure instead of showing love. If men and women have trained themselves to use their sexuality in this way, why would this suddenly change once they're married? The husband or wife will simply be a substitute for the fantasies, to be used in place of self. They may even imagine the fantasies while with their spouse. The problem is that the lust will be transferred to the other, not healed within.

Worse yet, merely getting married will not cure their problem with masturbation. Because masturbation has trained disordered impulses in them, the true pleasures of marriage--though far superior--may not appease their warped attachments. Where will they turn to find those pleasures within marriage? Often, they'll continue to struggle with masturbation, to the sorrow and distress of their spouse, and to the detriment of their marriage. A person who does not preserve his own purity when alone will have a difficult time remaining pure with another. If he lacks self-control when alone, he will be unable to properly give himself to his spouse when the time comes. You can not give what you do not control. No self-control equals no gift of self. To the extent that there is no gift of self, there is no love. If you want to be able to genuinely love your spouse, you must build self-mastery.

Comments
  •   |70.48.2.xxx |2009-08-23 18:15:05 Nick
    This is a great website and thank you for these articles. Everything that is said here is true. Please pray for me. I
    struggle with this issue and have been for years but I am finally seeing the light of God and battling back.
    Thanks.

    Nick
    15 7
    Reply
  •   |99.229.168.xxx |2009-09-01 22:33:39 Larissa
    Thanks so much. So much sin is created when people indulge in porn. It is awful, and "disrespectful" is the
    least that it does. Saint Dymphna, the patroness of mental disorders and addictions, might help you overcome your need
    for lowly devil's work, and bring you forgiveness and mercy with the Lord. I fully agree that masturbation weakens your
    will against the devil, and yessss, as much as you believe in God, believe in the devil. he exists too. don't ignore
    either presence of good and evil.

    god bless all who have contributed to this website! God bless.
    6 1
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-17 22:52:40 Mackey Joe
    avatar
    Saint Dymphna hey? Okay I'll pray to her. For myself and everyone else trapped in this darn vicious cycle.

    Thanks
    Larrisa
    4 0
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-24 11:05:24 catholichack  - The downward spiral
    avatar
    I spent over 21 years as a slave to pornography, my inheritance from my Father who received it from his Father, and no
    matter how many times I self "gratified"... I never received gratification... only more shame! This fact sent
    me further and further down this path looking for more base images that would bring me the "satisfaction" I
    sought after only I never found! Only shame! Its a vortex pulling men further down into the abyss of a dead soul along
    the road to hell. It took total surrender to God to save me from this plague! Christ came to set us free from the
    slavery of sin so "but by the grace of God go I." I shared what works for me in my conversion story at
    http://CatholicHack.com - video tab (at the top) first video.

    Praying for the exodus of all the addicted from the
    slavery of pornogrpahy!

    In Christ
    Joe
    10 4
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-24 16:34:16 Fr. Barnabas
    avatar
    Joe,
    I watched your testimony. Wow!
    Praise be Jesus and his Blessed Mother.
    Thank you for your honesty and your
    witness which are bound to open hearts and be of great help to all those who are burdened by slavery to pornography and
    the sinful use of the great and holy gift of sexuality. Sometimes I think many men almost despair of breaking free
    because it has become such a big part of their lives and their attempts to break free have often failed. Your testimony
    bears witness that Jesus Christ can and does provide the necessary grace to gain victory. You have a great message of
    hope to offer and I pray that message reaches a wide audience.
    3 1
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-24 21:16:24 catholichack  - The downward spiral
    avatar
    Thanks Barnabas!

    Glory be to God alone!

    The Devil truly is cunning... Men who are slaves to porn often feel they are
    the only one, in the whole world, who is addicted and struggles. They do not feel free to discuss it and often, because
    of their shame, put up the mask of "oh its no big deal"... or " we were born sexual creatures"... and
    "everybody's doing it right" type of attitudes. The more they sin the more they surcome to even more sin and
    temptation. That's the downward spiral. But, when they hear another man speak openly, boldly, about the truth, that
    this is killing us, then the mask comes off and they feel FREE to speak about there slavery for the first time. The
    biggest gift I have received from talking about my own struggles have been sharing with the men after and seeing them
    cry before me thanking God that they can now come clean. That's the Holy Spirit and I just thank God that I could be
    the "Donkey which Jesus Rides" that day!

    God Bless You
    Joe
    4 0
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-25 04:26:33 Fr. Barnabas
    avatar
    Mackey Joe,
    By all means invoke St. Dymphna but also St. Catherine of Siena. I'm not sure why but she is one of
    several patron saints of sexual temptations. St. Jean Marie Vianney (Cure of Ars) had this to say about the struggle
    with temptations: "A saint once complained to Our Lord after a temptation was past, saying: ‘Where were you, Oh my
    loving Jesus, during this terrible trial? Our Lord replied: ‘I was in the midst of your heart, and was pleased to see
    you combat so bravely'."
    3 0
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-09-27 11:39:46 mc860
    Father,
    I've read that St Catherine of Siena was, for a time, accosted by phallic images ('unclean spirits'). When she
    was under this demonic oppression, the Lord said to her "It is because I indwell you that this displeases you
    so."
    I imagine this explains why she is a patron saint for sexual temptations.
    1 0
    Reply
  •   |86.46.128.xxx |2009-09-27 15:00:27 Fr. Barnabas
    Seems like you could be right. I hadn't heard that, but it would make sense. And certainly an aversion to sexual
    temptations, indeed any temptation, is surely a sign of the influence or presence of the Holy Spirit. Victory over
    temptation needs more than will power and gritted teeth. The victory can only come through a reliance on Christ. As
    one of the Psalms puts it: "If the Lord does not watch over the city, then in vain does the watch man keep
    vigil."
    2 0
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-10-05 07:15:48 Doctordoyle  - Confession
    Just been to confessiona and then found a reference to this site. Please keep me and each other in your/our prayers.
    What I find hardest is that I know if I ask the Lord for help at a particular moment, but I allow myself to ignore him
    and literally take off my brown scapular - it's demonic really. And when I've given in to temptation, the devil makes
    you feel so worthless you think you can't pray and it's a deadly spiral. I've begun more regular confession and I think
    that will be a help. None of us use confession enough. God bless.

    MD
    2 1
    Reply
  •   |SAdministrator |2009-10-05 07:31:31 Matt Fradd  - Rosary novena x 3
    avatar
    Doctordoye,
    Welcome mate, great to have you with us. I have certainly been where you are...Let me suggest going to the
    media section up top and going to prayer. We have 27 scripture verses to do with purity and temptation. I'd encourage
    you to pray the Rosary for 27 days and meditate on one of those scriptures once a day.
    3 0
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-10-12 16:41:18 Fr. Barnabas
    avatar
    Doctordoyle,
    If I understood correctly you take off your scapular because you wouldn't masturbate while wearing it.
    That shows a great respect for that holy object which is a symbol of Our Lady's mantle. But think about it, you
    wouldn't masturbate while wearing a holy or blessed object, you wouldn't do it while holding a rosary beads in your
    hand, but none of these objects are as holy as your own body - which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Next time you
    are tempted to take off the Scapular, remind yourself that you can't get rid of the inherent holiness of your own body
    and that masturbation in a sense defiles that which is much more sacred than any religious object or medal.
    9 0
    Reply
  •   |79.187.91.xxx |2009-10-14 02:02:04 zaba  - just thank you guys
    This is the greatest website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    3 1
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-12-15 08:21:27 Dan  - Perspective
    Remember that sexuality is essentially the creative energy of God in your flesh. If you spend most of your time beating
    yourself up and simply resisting it without finding another outlet for that creative energy, you're fighting a hopeless
    battle.

    You're not meant to simply suppress the urge and hope it goes away, because it won't. It's like trying to
    stop the creativity of God. It's impossible. Instead, you're meant to redirect it to something positive and
    constructive.

    Find a hobby, get some exercise, do a service project - find something creative that you can feel proud
    of when you go to bed at night, and when you're tempted, focus your attention on that instead. You'll be surprised how
    effective that can be. My personal experience is that the more interpersonal it can be, the better.
    4 1
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-12-15 08:32:23 Dan  - Addenda
    A further note - many people recommend prayer when this type of stuff happens. While prayer is absolutely essential, my
    personal experience (which may not apply to everyone) is that we often pray in the wrong fashion - we get tempted, then
    all of a sudden retreat into our minds and white knuckle the rosary in the vain hope that God will deliver us from the
    temptation. It sometimes works, but rarely - most of the time it's exactly the opposite of what we should be doing.
    Anxiety only makes matters worse. Then, when it doesn't work and we succumb, we not only feel bad about doing it, but
    we start questioning our spirituality or manhood and have all sorts of additional guilt about the fact that we now
    offended God even further. That only drives us deeper into temptation and perpetuates the vicious cycle.

    Prayer is
    essential, but we shouldn't sit still when the temptation arises because sitting still is how we got into the mess in
    the first place. I've usually found it much more effective to make an activity into a prayer. The ideal thing you can
    do in a situation when you're tempted is to find an activity that balances the interpersonal, physical, and emotional
    aspects of yourself, and then turn it into a prayer by doing it well for the glory of God and in thankfulness for
    allowing you the privilege. Go play basketball and give it all you've got for the Glory of God.
    2 1
    Reply
  •   |Registered |2009-12-15 08:39:25 Dan  - One last thing
    ...one last follow up to the above. Many people use the excuse that temptation happens at night when you're lying in
    bed, so I can't go out and play basketball or do pushups or I won't sleep. The simple answer is that succumbing to
    temptation is a result of a wasted day. If you lived your day to the fullest and did it for the Glory of God, you won't
    find temptation so hard to resist at night because you've built up grace by co-operating with God during the day. It's
    the little decisions that happen during the day that dictate your strength in the evening. That's why fasting is so
    important. Fasting isn't just a denial of comforts - it's also putting the extra effort into what you do to do it the
    best you can.
    2 1
    Reply
  •   |71.189.51.xxx |2010-01-07 16:49:30 Anonymous
    fasting never helps me, its like not eating for 3 days, eventually im going to eat, i get too hungry, it will either
    kill me or ill give into it, the same is said for like addictions, the more i fast from it the harder it is to resist,
    there where times where i just gave in so i could get a good nights rest,
    seriously its easy once your married, and
    when your younger when you don't have these hormones, desires, needs??
    whos knows but im at the point where i can go
    for like months and months, but then i start to get turned on too easy, my hormones go wack, and ill just be driving and
    see a hot girl and get turned on.. like wtf, i don't want that, id rather just like give in once in awhile so it stays
    under control. ? i dunno i seriously contemplate taking a pill to kill all sexual desire until im married, its freaking
    usless, its like trying to stay alive without eating. not gonna happen. and then i tell my girl how i feel about it and
    she just says well i masterbate, its only wrong to look at porn. so that makes it even worse...
    0 0
    Reply
  •   |71.189.51.xxx |2010-01-07 16:57:32 the dude  - Struggle
    My biggest struggle, is trying to fill that emptyness of being single, and not married. i don't even feel like the
    married guys can relate, because they all have the same story, they struggle, they do it all when they are younger they
    get married and then they decide to change,, well of course your gonna change your married now!

    when i read about a
    guy who struggled with it in the past and now he's changed it makes me want to be like.. well dude then you can't really
    offer help, except that hope when we are married we will have the guts to change too.
    which will probably be easier,
    because then you have a reason to, you have a wife, someone to love, and to share sex with, when its just you by
    yourself single alone, just you and god, and the hormones kick in, thats it, im gonna give in eventually,
    and then my
    brain has only one thing on my mind, fulfilling the desire to mate.to spread my dna in the world.
    but religion tells me
    its wrong, but my hormones tell me its right and im stuck in the middle of this battle of good and evil, or animal
    instincts and domestication sometimes i don't know what is what
    1 0
    Reply
  •   |SAdministrator |2010-01-08 00:15:08 Matt Fradd  - bandaid
    avatar
    Woah horsie,
    This notion that when you get married temptation to lust, look at porn or masturbate subsides is simply not
    true, or as we say in Australia; bull dust! Where do you think all of those disordered desires go when one gets married?
    They don't just disappear, they are foisted on the wife. Guys hooked on porn get the idea that marriage is the
    fulfillment of porn instead of porn being the distortion of love.

    Saying "I don't struggle cos I'm married"
    seems to me the same argument as "I don't rape cos I got porn"...bandaid!
    2 0
    Reply
  •   |71.189.51.xxx |2010-01-09 04:39:44 the dude
    Laugh out Loud " I don't rape cos I got porn"
    0 0
    Reply
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