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Should you tell your girlfriend about your porn problem, or should you continue to conceal it? I say neither. Instead of telling your girlfriend that you are hooked on porn and risk losing her, get rid of the porn, and tell her what you've done for love of her. If you truly love her, then you know that love is capable of very heroic acts. As I once read, a knight can not be brave unless he has love. His love gives him his courage.
If you refuse to get rid of the porn, then you do have an obligation to tell her. This risk will be good for you, and as bad as this might sound, I do hope she leaves you if you do not drop the porn. You have to choose between her and the fantasies. I know your attachment to it is strong, because I had plenty of the garbage in high school (and even before then). But when we say we're "addicted" to it, we're often trying to say that we have no control over ourselves. That's not true. We choose to open the magazine. We choose to click on the web site. We are not victims. Everyone has self-control. Some use this control over their bodies to become saints, and others use the control for the sake of feeding their lust, which is never satisfied.
If you think you have not simply developed a very tempting habit of looking at porn, but have developed a full-blown porn addiction, then now is not the time for a relationship. You should get serious counseling to overcome the vice. When happens when a guy refuses to deal with the problem? Well, here's an email I just received from a newlywed wife:
"My husband of a little over one month is in love with pornography. I've tried to speak with him about it before, but I get nervous and flustered and end up nodding to whatever he says. He does not believe his indulging this desire is cheating or harmful or anything to be ashamed of. He knows I disagree with him, but I doubt he even begins to comprehend how devastating and heart-breaking it is for me. There have already been plenty of nights that he's spent on the computer, and doesn't return to share a bed with me at all (he'll fall asleep on the couch or in the guest room). This causes me to lose sleep! I am committed to having very good communication with him, but how do I bring this up without repeating past unsuccessful attempts to get my feelings across? I pray for him and for us every day, but I don't know what else to do. I can already see his relationship with porn damaging other aspects of our marriage, especially in my behavior toward him. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my call for help."
Her husband's habit was destroying this poor woman. I know you don't want to ever put your girlfriend through this, but you already are. The porn is shaping your expectations of her body. It's warping the way you look at her each day. It's holding you back from becoming the man of God that she deserves. Think about it: her body is worth waiting to see, and I know how it would crush you if she constantly looked at on-line images of naked guys, and refused to stop.
I know you want to rid your life of the pornography, but you feel torn. I've been there. You must pray every day to overcome the habit. Also, click here and scroll down to listen to some audio files that will help you to overcome the habit. In the meantime, be assured of my prayers.
With God, all things are possible. Have confidence and faith, and you will see that instead of seeing your girlfriend ashamed of you, you can have the joy of making her proud.
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